IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.(huseyn mock)

Many people argue that it is a waste of
time
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 for
children
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 to spend their free
time
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 on free
time
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activities
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 as leisure
activities
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 and
hobbys
Correct your spelling
hobbies
 are mandatory for a
childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
 development. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I want to give examples
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
 spending spare
time
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 on something you like is important.
Children
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 are
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 told by society from a young age, that if they
dont
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don't
 do good in school they can´t succeed in
life
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 and get the jobs they admire. Not only is
this
Linking Words
 not true, but it
also
Linking Words
 puts a lot of pressure on youngsters. Teens
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live under the impression that they must constantly learn, fail to develop social skills,
build
Correct word choice
and build
show examples
 friendship groups, and
ulimately
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ultimately
they
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apply
show examples
develop mental health issues. Childhood is the building stone for a
persons
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person's
show examples
 future and the effects of it are very hard to resolve in adult
life
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. From my own experience, many individuals that spend their youth constantly learning, fail to develop deep friendships or aren´t able to communicate with others when they are adults. They often seem unhappy and dissatisfied
by
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with
show examples
 their own
life
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. A reason for that could be that they never got the
time
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 to think about what they
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 and rather got taught what they should want.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 education
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 is important, it shouldn´t be the main focus of a child. Free
time
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activities
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 and social skills are just equally important to a
teens
Change noun form
teen's
show examples
 development. Spending
time
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 with friends and family, or following and discovering new
hobbys
Correct your spelling
hobbies
 can increase self-confidence and mental health. Those
activities
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 can help to release
pressure
Add an article
the pressure
show examples
 that society puts on
children
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can help them find their direction in
life
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 and a motivated, happy adult is always more
prductive
Correct your spelling
productive
 than someone who is burned out and unhappy. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 education in
children
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 is important, it is by far not everything in
life
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 and
time
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spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on free
time
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 isn´t a waste of
time
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, but more of a development into a functional human
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
.
Children
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 use some of their
time
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 on their terms are on average much happier and mentally stable as adults. As stated above, I heavily disagree with the statement and think that spending leisure
time
Use synonyms
 not
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 educated is very important at an early age.

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task achievement
Make sure your main points are clear and supported with examples. This will help the reader understand your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to guide the reader through your essay.
language
Check for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors to make your writing clearer.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
Your personal experience adds a nice touch to the essay and makes it more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure
  • activities
  • educational
  • waste
  • time
  • important
  • development
  • relax
  • stress
  • creativity
  • skills
  • teamwork
  • fun
  • balance
  • growth
  • enjoy
  • free time
  • self-expression
  • children
  • mental health
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