IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs below show the average retirement age for men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the average retirement age for men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The two bar charts provide key information about the
age
Use synonyms
 of
retirement
Use synonyms
 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in six different nations between 2004 and 2008. The units are
meaderd
Correct your spelling
measured
 In
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is clear from the graph that people of Sweden retire at
later
Add an article
a later
show examples
age
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the male of Denmark works
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
later than women.
Whereas
Linking Words
, France has the youngest
age
Use synonyms
 of
retirement
Use synonyms
 for both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other countries.
according to
Linking Words
 what is shown in the graph, in 2008 , the
age
Use synonyms
 of
retirement
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the highest for both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
.
for
Change preposition
In
show examples
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
Netherlands
Add a comma
Netherlands,
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 63 for
mela
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 and 62 for women.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the UK has almost
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
change
Change the verb form
changed
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 of
retirement
Use synonyms
 in 2004 and 2008 with nearly 1
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
. In terms of other countries. the youngest
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 were Italy and France. for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
Italy
Add a comma
Italy,
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 did not change in 2008 and 2004.
However
Linking Words
 the number
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women in 2008.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, retirement with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: