IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

It is commonly said that
today
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's
children
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 are
pressurized
Verb problem
pressured
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 and are facing harder and harder academic,social and commercial challenges.
This
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 essay intends to discuss the causes of these
pressures
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 and what
suggest
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
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 some remedial measures. I believe that
children
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 must be shielded from
such
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 mounting
pressures
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.
Today
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's
child
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 is not competing with the
child
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 next door or even of one's town or country. He is competing with the
child
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 of the global village. The big planet Earth of yesteryears is a small well-linked global village of
today
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. Parents want their
children
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 to excel in every field. They send their
children
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 to the best schools where the school bag is often heavier than the
child
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 himself. Even after school
hours
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hours,
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 there are private tuitions.
Children
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 don't have time to bloom and bring out their hidden talents. Socially
also
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 the
children
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 of
today
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 are in a huge dilemma. They want to adopt the global culture,
whereas
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 their parents force them to confine themselves to the traditions.
This
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 sometimes makes them rebel against the rules laid by their elders.
Then
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, they
also
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 face peer pressure, which can be good if their peers are good and bad if their peers are not disciplined.
This
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 peer pressure
coupled with
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 the consumerist society of
today
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 can lead to a lot of stress and strain on
children
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. They see the latest models of cell phones and other items with their peers and want to buy them. When they are unable to do so, they get stressed. The solutions are not simple.
Children
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 have to be handled with great care. Parents should have realistic expectations from their
children
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. They should have a
pro-active
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proactive
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 approach and give time to their
children
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. The biggest onus is on the schools and teachers. They should strive to bring out the best in every
child
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 and competition and
co-operation
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cooperation
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 should both be taught simultaneously. The aim of competition should not be to win at all
cost
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costs
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.
Children
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 have to be taught to win with modesty and lose with grace. To summarise, there is no doubt that the
children
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 of
today
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 are facing so many
pressures
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, but steps should be taken on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood.
Otherwise
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, these
pressures
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 will stifle the physical and psychological growth of
children
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea throughout.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, especially about the pressures children face.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas to help the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
You clearly identified the pressures children face, which is a key aspect of the topic.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the need to protect children's childhood, showing good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
What to do next:
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