IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think children should do extra-classes after school. Others disagree and say they should play sports outside their school hours. What is your opinion on this? Suggest healthy ways for children to develop.

Few individuals opine that
children
Use synonyms
 should take extra tuition classes
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 post-school hours
while
Linking Words
 others support the idea of letting
children
Use synonyms
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
. In my
opimion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
Child's
Correct article usage
a Child's
show examples
 academic progress and personal growth both are equally important. In
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs, my opinion is supported by some
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
. A combination of academic progress and physical growth
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 crucial for for child's holistic development. The study is the first and foremost priority for
children
Use synonyms
 for their better future. It will help to build a successful career.
However
Linking Words
, Physical
activities
Use synonyms
 like sports are important too as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 do not only help to improve their strength but
also
Linking Words
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in enhancing life skills, teamwork capability, adaptation and mental health.
Children
Use synonyms
 get a chance for social interaction which helps them to build their confidence and cooperation with their teammates.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it helps to sharpen their mental strength which can lead to a better academic future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can find and recognize their passion and can pursue that
along with
Linking Words
 their
studies
Use synonyms
. A balanced schedule of
studies
Use synonyms
 and sports
activities
Use synonyms
 should be provided for them for their
overall
Linking Words
 progress. A dedicated class should be included in the school's timetable in which students can engage themselves in extra-curricular
activities
Use synonyms
 after study hours to make them stress-free from the study and get refreshments. Schools should assign some homework and practice questions to be done after school to improve
children
Use synonyms
's performance in
studies
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
studies
Use synonyms
 and sports play a vital role in
children
Use synonyms
's better future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they should be given equal priorities by providing additional time for physical
activities
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It’s good to explain the importance, but you need to make it very clear what your stand is.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure the paragraphs connect smoothly. Use linking words so that readers can follow your ideas easily.
task achievement
Support your ideas with specific examples. Talk about a sport or a type of extra class to strengthen your points.
content
You had good ideas about the importance of both studies and sports.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • complement
  • curriculum
  • personalized attention
  • holistic development
  • resilience
  • balanced lifestyle
  • well-rounded development
  • faculties
  • socially adept
  • creative arts
  • outdoor exploration
  • empathetic
  • adaptable
What to do next:
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