IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

At the present time, the populatiion of some counries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

reacntly
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Recently
 the population of some countries have a huge number of of young
adults
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 compared to the number of older
people
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. having a large population of young
adults
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 can be very beneficial for the environment because young
people
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 can work and do things that can help the economy and the world and they can reduce the amount of unemployment they can
also
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 raise the
amount
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number
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 of
childrens
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children
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 around the world and I think the advantages definitely outweigh the disadvantages.
How ever
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However
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 it might be a problem that old
people
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 are slightly declining because If the older individuals are dying or decreasing it might
effect
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affect
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the
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apply
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knowledge
due to
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 older
people
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 having a more experience in the world and the ability to teach so If they didn't exist many young
adults
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 will not get to learn and increasing their knowledge. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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although
Linking Words
 many
people
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 disagree on having
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 older
people
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also
Linking Words
 many
people
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 think that the increasing numbers of younger
adults
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 will definitely improve lifespan. And I think the advantages by far outweigh the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your position on whether advantages outweigh disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on one main idea.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You make some valid points about the benefits of young adults.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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