IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Earlier technological developments were more beneficial and changed the lives of the ordinary people than recent technology ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It is believed that technological enhancements happened
while
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 earlier ages provided more benefits and had larger impacts on society.
However
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, some
people
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 argue that current
developments
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 are
also
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 notable. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the difference of impacts between recent technological progress and past one and explain why I disagree with the initial statement.
To begin
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 with,
as
Change preposition
apply
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one of the most prominent earlier
developments
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,
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the industrial
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industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
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 is
to be
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apply
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referred
.
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to.
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This
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 revolution brought several practical advantages to
people
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's daily
lives
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 by improving efficiency in the factories and transportation.
For example
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, the invention of
steam
Correct article usage
the steam
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 engine contributed to
acceleration
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the acceleration
an acceleration
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 of logistics because
this
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 technique
enables
Wrong verb form
enabled
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 trains to run faster than before.
Moreover
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,
this
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 cutting-edge invention could be leveraged in production as well
such
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 that textile factories became able to produce more amount of clothes for the same period. These surprising transformations
consequently
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rose
Verb problem
raised
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 the living standards of
people
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 at that time and made economic exchanges more proactive.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 these technological
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
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occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
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before
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apply
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a few
hundreds
Change to singular
hundred
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 ago were significantly beneficial and largely changed the
lives
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 of citizens.
However
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, the recent
mechanic
Replace the word
mechanical
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 advancements are
also
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 remarkable, and digitalization is often mentioned as an example of current machinery revolutions. Specifically, the emergence of smartphones, AIs and the internet significantly changed our living styles.
For instance
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, thanks to smartphones, we can complete almost all tasks, including calling, taking notes and accessing
internet
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the internet
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, just by touching the screens and can obtain any information we need.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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installation
Correct article usage
the installation
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 of AIs into those devices, those activities became more efficient, and users can save a large amount of time, leading to the situation where
people
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 cannot survive without those novel technologies.
In other words
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, these
on-going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
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 technical
developments
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 are changing our
lives
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 by providing new types of benefits. In summary,
while
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 earlier technical enhancements were notable and considerably changed the
lives
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 of
people
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, current ones are
also
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 transforming our living styles largely by bringing various benefits.
For
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this
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 reason, I strongly disagree with the opinion that earlier technological
developments
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 were superior to recent ones.

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task achievement
Make sure your main points are clear and directly related to the topic. More examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to better connect your ideas and make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which shows good structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from both the past and present to support your points, which is strong for task response.
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