IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is responsibility of individual to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In the contemporary era, the
health
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 system is an important measure for our country's economy, it is important to take care of their own
health
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 and
diet
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.
However
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, it is believed that governments should make their people a healthy
diet
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. In my notion, it is a positive development. In
this
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 essay, I will justify both opinions before presenting my conclusion. To commence with, individual responsibility for
health
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 and
diet
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 emphasizes personal choice, knowledge, and self-discipline. It suggests that individuals have the autonomy to make decisions about what they eat and how they exercise, based on their understanding of nutrition and
health
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.
For instance
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, someone can choose to eat a balanced
diet
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, exercise regularly, and avoid harmful habits like smoking and alcohol.
Moreover
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, people are likely to maintain their
health
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 when they know long-term benefits. Moving ahead, the government taking responsibility for citizens' healthy diets can involve implementing regulations on food quality, labelling, and advertising.
For example
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, it may include public
health
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 campaigns to educate people about healthy eating habits and to provide resources for making healthier choices.
Furthermore
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, public
health
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 initiatives by governments
such
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 as taxes on sugary drinks, subsidies for fruits and vegetables, and restrictions on junk food advertising can significantly influence public dietary habits and reduce the burden of
diet
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-related diseases. In conclusion, a balanced approach could argue that
while
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 individuals should take primary responsibility for their
health
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 and
diet
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, governments play a crucial role in facilitating access to healthy options and ensuring that the food industry operates in a manner that prioritizes public
health
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, such as 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points about governments' roles.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view on the topic, which is good for discussing both sides.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant and contribute to the main topic of health and diet responsibility.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal autonomy
  • self-discipline
  • nutrition
  • public health campaigns
  • regulations
  • socio-economic factors
  • dietary habits
  • food industry
  • public health initiatives
  • junk food advertising
  • subsidies
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