IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ducating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that state government should allocate their budget to educate the young generation
while
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 others argue that oldsters should become a priority target who receives the learning process. I completely agree with
this
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 notion since youngsters take a crucial part in the development process of the nations and have many chances to explore many new-fashioned fields. Admittedly , the future of the countries is fully determined by juveniles who are growing nowadays.
Furthermore
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, they would be a leader in their chosen sectors. So
that is
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 why authorities should prepare their human resources appropriately by providing many suitable programmes to encourage them to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
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expert in their various subjects.
This
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 phase will lead them to obtain many-valued experiences which can elevate human resources in their countries.
For example
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, Research conducted by the University of Helsinki in 2018 showed that the Scandinavian countries are known as educationally focused states
in
Change preposition
at
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 a lot of diverse levels attaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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 quickly rather than other developing nations.
This
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 result elucidates that education held a vital role in the advancement of a region. Moving to another reason, teenagers have many new chances to develop themselves in the cutting-edge era.
Moreover
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, advanced technology
acquires
Verb problem
requires
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 world societies to be suitable
in
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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abrupt alterations so that the communities
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 do not fit in
this
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 situation will fall behind.
In addition
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, adolescents can explore up-to-date knowledge to enrich their specific abilities where they can fill the difficult challenges in the upcoming years with their skills.
Hence
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, it will offer a bright future to their homelands.
For instance
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, the youngest can learn
deeper
Correct word choice
more
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 about data science to operate artificial intelligence
where
Correct word choice
which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is projected will replace humans
to do
Verb problem
in
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 their occupations. In conclusion , the public has different ideas about giving education to the mature and immature.
However
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, I totally vote for adolescents who
are
Verb problem
have
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 gained more grants to study
instead
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 of old people
due to
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 the fact they will
be flourished
Wrong verb form
flourish
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 in various ways and answer the obstacles related to technology.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Try to link your ideas more smoothly with connecting words and phrases.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support your main points, explaining them in detail.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, showing your agreement with the notion of investing in education for young people.
task achievement
Some good examples are given to support your arguments about education's importance for young people.
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