The values that we learn from our parents and family have a greater influence on our future success than any knowledge and skills we learn at school. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent years, having
influence
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the influence
an influence
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of
parents
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and family
is
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has
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very essential for everyone for their betterment.
Therefore
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, many believe that the values that we learn and observe from
parents
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and family have more benefits rather than
skills
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the skills
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we learn at educational facilities. I
partialy
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partially
agree with
this
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viewpoint and will explain some reasons with related examples in the following essay.
To begin
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with, several reasons can be put forth to support it. The predominant reason is that one can gain practical knowledge at home with family that can be helpful for them to deal with all kinds of situations in life. A study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that 50% of children learn good morals and habits from their grandparents.
Furthermore
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,
the
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apply
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another advantage is that one can get a better knowledge about how to handle finances with the help of their
parents
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.
For instance
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,
parents
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are the best
teacher
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teachers
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for their children to teach them
importance
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the importance
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of money and how to spend it
for
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on
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needs and wants.
On the other hand
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, getting knowledge from school is
also
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essential. To elaborate more, people can get
understanding
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an understanding
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of business management, science, and economics from schools and universities.
As a result
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, it would be beneficial for them to get employment and build their career in the future. Not only that, school is a crucial part of
everyones
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everyone's
lives to see their bright and successful future.
To conclude
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,
parents
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and families provide the best upbringing, discipline and financial information.
As well as
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schools and other educational facilities are great for studies and work purposes.

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task achievement
Try to include more clear examples to support your points. For instance, you could add specific situations where learned values helped someone succeed.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using linking words, such as 'firstly', 'however', and 'in conclusion'. This will make it easier to follow your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to correct small errors in grammar and word choice. For example, use 'the other advantage' instead of 'the another advantage'.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your opinion, which is important for your essay.
task achievement
You provided some relevant reasons to support your argument, showcasing your understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • future success
  • family values
  • knowledge and skills
  • shape
  • beliefs
  • behavior
  • emotional support
  • encouragement
  • academic education
  • discipline
  • time management
  • contribute to
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
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