Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

It is suggested by few that having a lot of
money
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will make
individual's
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an individual's
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life
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joyful. It is very evident that
money
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can buy all the materialistic things in the world.
However
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, there are other aspects
in
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of
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life
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which can
also
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bring inner
peace
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. A happy
life
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requires a balance between
money
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and
sprituality
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spirituality
.
To begin
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with, Having
a tons
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tons
a ton
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of
money
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can bring freedom and time. It can provide a
luxrious
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luxurious
lifestyle, house and a dream car.
One
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can go for a long vacation without any hesitation and permission from work as they
owns
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own
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everything.
Furthermore
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,
money
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can bring calmness in
life
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, having extra
money
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can save
huge
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a huge
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amount of time, as it can afford
private
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a private
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plane to travel comfortably
through out
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throughout
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the world, and it
also
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provides the luxury
to hire
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of hiring
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servents
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servants
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and
housekeeper
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housekeepers
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to do all the cleaning and cooking,
while
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one
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can enjoy rest of the day focusing on making more
money
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.
For example
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,
one
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can send their children to study abroad at the top universities, without taking any student loans.
Secondly
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,
money
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is not the only solution for happy
life
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. It is human connections that bring
peace
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and knowledge.
For Instance
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, lord buddha, who was a king of his kingdom,
one
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day he decided to roam around his state as a normal citizen to check upon his
people
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.
Thats
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That
where he finds out
about
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that
show examples
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people
Correct article usage
the people
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of his kingdom are having a joyful
life
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without having any luxury, he
realized
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realises
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by seeing those
people
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on
street
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the street
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that
its
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it's
it is
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not tons of gold that makes humans happy, it is something else.
Thereafter
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, he left his kingdom and all the luxuries to find
real
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the real
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meaning of happiness and later he found that spirituality can bring inner
peace
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and inner
peace
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can lead
prosperous
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a prosperous
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life
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.
To conclude
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, in today's scenario,
money
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is very important to have a great
life
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, it makes
people
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happy
at
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to
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some extent.
However
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,
one
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should not spend their whole
life
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going after
money
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and later realizing
that is
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it worth it or not. As they have to balance their
life
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between work and inner
peace
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Each point should connect clearly to your argument.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples that are relevant to your points.
language use
Proofread your writing to correct spelling mistakes, such as 'luxrious' and 'servents'.
content
Good introduction and conclusion that explain the importance of both money and spirituality in happiness.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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