IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment celebrities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is frequently argued that
professionals
Use synonyms
 like doctors and teachers deserve higher salaries than
celebrities
Use synonyms
 in sports and entertainment. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to a greater extent and will provide justification in the upcoming paragraphs. The primary reason I support
this
Linking Words
 idea is that
professionals
Use synonyms
 provide essential services to whole communities. To explain, doctors save
life
Add an article
a life
show examples
, and teachers shape the minds of future generations
as well as
Linking Words
 they both play roles from fundamental to human development.
For example
Linking Words
, during
Correct article usage
the COVID
show examples
COVID -19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 pandemic healthcare and educational
professionals
Use synonyms
 played
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role
to save
Change preposition
in saving
show examples
 society by providing their services. Another significant justification for my viewpoint is that
unequal
Correct article usage
the unequal
show examples
 income gap
reflets
Correct your spelling
reflects
 misplaced social values. To elaborate,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 who work in sports and film industries have to earn individually handsome money for their one event or movie,
while
Linking Words
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 educators and health workers struggle with unfunded systems.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 things discourage talented individuals from entering vital professions.
For instance
Linking Words
, countries like Finland offer competitive pay for
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, resulting
one
Change preposition
in one
show examples
 of the best education
system
Change to a plural noun
systems
show examples
 in the world. Admittedly, some may argue that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 contribute to entertainment and culture.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 perspective may hold some merit in specific contexts, I believe it is outweighed by providing people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
shape
Wrong verb form
shaping
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the opposing view does not undermine the validity of my stance. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are differing opinions regarding
Correct article usage
the earning
show examples
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 of
professionals
Use synonyms
 and
celebrities
Use synonyms
, I strongly agree with the statement
due to
Linking Words
 the long- impact of their work. Valuing essential workers not only
balanced
Replace the word
balances
show examples
 society but
also
Linking Words
maintain
Correct subject-verb agreement
maintains
show examples
 functionality.

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task achievement
Try to have clearer examples and explanations to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects smoothly to the next.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and address both sides of the argument well.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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