IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While it is Sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminal, other believe that there are better ways to deal with what is your opinion?

Jail is a
place
Use synonyms
 for bad
people
Use synonyms
 who
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 different
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the government should treat
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diffferent
Correct your spelling
different
 methods. In my opinion, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
it the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 suitable
place
Use synonyms
 for criminals but
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 can give them various activities to change their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss some reasons about prison is the best
place
Use synonyms
 for evil individuals.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, criminals are dangerous
people
Use synonyms
. They have
sychological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 problems which can cause many troubles for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. So the best way to
gathered
Wrong verb form
gather
show examples
 them in one
place
Use synonyms
 and punch them
to
Add a missing verb
is to
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 leave the bad habits. If they remember the jail will control themselves.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 will make
people
Use synonyms
 think before doing something bad in the future. The government can do special activities for them in the prison.
For example
Linking Words
, lectures and learning
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
 new. Criminals can start new
bage
Correct your spelling
page
 in their life. They can learn
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
, communication and good
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all
people
Use synonyms
 should have
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 chance. They appear bad
people
Use synonyms
 but they can
chang
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
 if someone
guide
Change the verb form
guides
show examples
 them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the right way.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they can make sports like football, tennis and volleyball to stay healthy. All
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 things will improve their life.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punches and motivation are necessary to correct many habits and problems. If
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
 bad they should go directly to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison. It is
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 way to know their mistake. They learn
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
new information and deal with many
people
Use synonyms
. So that will help them to change in the future

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task response
Your essay has a clear introduction, but it could be stronger. Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. Also, the conclusion should restate your main points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Try to use linking words like 'firstly', 'also', and 'finally' to help the flow of your ideas. This will make it easier for readers to follow your points.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences have spelling mistakes and grammar issues. Make sure to proofread your work or practice writing sentences with correct spelling and grammar before the exam.
task response
You have included some good ideas about how criminals can change in prison, which is a relevant point for this topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader understand your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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