IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

All children should be made to wear school uniform. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Wearing a
school
Use synonyms
uniform
Use synonyms
 is a debatable topic around the world. One
school
Use synonyms
 of thought considers that it should be mandatory for
students
Use synonyms
 to wear a
uniform
Use synonyms
 serving various benefits ranging from
discipline
Use synonyms
 to security.
However
Linking Words
, other
schools
Use synonyms
 of thought believe that educational institutions' purpose is to educate the
students
Use synonyms
, they should not force them to wear a particular dress in the learning institutions.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with the former statement that
school
Use synonyms
-going
children
Use synonyms
 must wear a
uniform
Use synonyms
 because of the following reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 are the places where
children
Use synonyms
 learn about rules,
discipline
Use synonyms
, and code of conduct, and a particular
school
Use synonyms
 outfit is a part of
discipline
Use synonyms
 which encourages them to follow the
discipline
Use synonyms
 of a particular place, organisation, association etcetera.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it creates a sense of community by sharing one identity, resulting in, a bias-free
school
Use synonyms
 environment.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, different appearances generally lead to socioeconomic differences,
hence
Linking Words
, having the same dress for each student reduced bullying activities at
school
Use synonyms
 which is majorly seen
due to
Linking Words
 societal differences.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, if
students
Use synonyms
 are allowed to wear the apparel of their own choice,
then
Linking Words
, owing to peer pressure,
children
Use synonyms
pressurise
Verb problem
pressure
show examples
 their parents to buy the latest clothes for them, and eventually, middle-class families face financial debt issues. Apart from them, they waste their time, money and efforts in searching the new clothing trends,
instead
Linking Words
 of using those resources to develop skills, helping in their personality development and career growth in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
uniform
Use synonyms
 helps in improving the learning environment by removing distractions.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, if it is mandatory to wear a
uniform
Use synonyms
 at
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, it is very easy for
school
Use synonyms
 staff to differentiate between
school
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 and outsiders, promoting
school
Use synonyms
 safety and security. In conclusion, I would wrap up my essay by saying that
school
Use synonyms
uniform
Use synonyms
 offers various benefits to
schools
Use synonyms
, parents and especially to
students
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, all the
schools
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 planet should mandate a rule of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
uniform
Use synonyms
 for all their
students
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, and you have a good conclusion summarizing your ideas. However, try to clarify your main points more precisely.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, but your points could be more connected. Use linking words like 'firstly,' 'secondly,' and 'finally' to make it easier for readers to follow your points.
task response
Add more specific examples to support your points. This could make your argument stronger and easier for readers to understand.
task response
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and concluded well.
task response
Your points about discipline and community are strong and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: