IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

both government and individuals are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with the fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. To what extend do you agree or disagree

There has always been a controversy regarding whether or not both the government and the population should pay vast
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of money
handling
Change the verb form
to handle
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 fundamental
society
Replace the word
societal
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 issues. It is indubitable that protecting animals and their habitats
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 significant, which is why many individuals are of the opinion that
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 amount of budget should be spent on taking care of wildlife.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion. First and foremost, what makes fixing fundamental society's problems an important matter is that people with low income may suffer from low quality of life and poor hygiene.
This
Linking Words
 is because individuals with small earnings cannot afford better healthcare and basic goods, which can lead to a great deal of distress and an increase in the number of crime rates.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 poverty, people may commit illegal acts like thieving.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by solving the inaccessibility of healthcare, fewer people are likely to be sick, which indicates that they may be more productive and able to work. The community could even start seeking occupations.
This
Linking Words
 could cause a fall in poverty and unemployment rates. In conclusion, I strongly support the suggestion that the government and the citizens should raise their budget
on correcting
Change preposition
to correct
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society's issues because
this
Linking Words
 could lead to economic growth in
Correct article usage
the long-run
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long-run
Correct your spelling
long run
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.

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task response
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, but it could be clearer and more engaging. Try to rephrase the question using simpler language to make your position clear from the start.
coherence
The paragraphs are organized, but the connection between ideas can be made clearer. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'additionally', or 'in conclusion' to guide the reader.
task response
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific statistics or studies about healthcare and poverty.
coherence
The conclusion summarizes your views but could be stronger. You could restate the main points in a clearer way to reinforce your argument.
task response
Your essay presents a clear opinion, which is important for task response.
coherence
You have organized your thoughts into clear paragraphs, which helps with reader understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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