IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that adults get motivated to exercise and play sports because of the major sports events on TV such as the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. Others say that there are many ways apart from TV to encourage them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there are multiple
sports
Use synonyms
 competitions taking place around the world and are broadcast on TV. They are thought to prompt
people
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 to engage in
sports
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 activities.
While
Linking Words
 the major sporting
events
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such
Linking Words
 as
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
 Games and
Football
Correct article usage
the Football
show examples
 World Cup help to popularise
sports
Use synonyms
, I believe there are many more ways
people
Use synonyms
 can derive their motivation
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. It is true that these major sporting
events
Use synonyms
 attract a mass audience and play a vital role in bringing
sports
Use synonyms
 closer to
people
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. What we see on TV screens often makes us want to do it because these
events
Use synonyms
 spread a sporty atmosphere all over the globe.
This
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 influence can be so profound that even those who normally lead a passive lifestyle tend to feel an irresistible urge to take part. These
events
Use synonyms
 alone,
however
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, are unlikely to keep the masses motivated long enough. One effective way would be for governments to provide
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities, making them more accessible to the general public. The abundance of basketball courts in China and football pitches in Brazil,
for example
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, render these
sports
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 more appealing.
People
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 themselves are
also
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 a great source of motivation. When family and friends entice us to join a football match,
for instance
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, or a morning jog, it is harder to reject an offer.
People
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 are more inclined to do activities others around us do. In my opinion, the
events
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 shown on TV are just not enough to keep
people
Use synonyms
 motivated since these major
events
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 are held once in 4
-
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5
Fix the infinitive
to 5
show examples
years. Small but constant encouragement would prove to be more effective. In conclusion,
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 on television are powerful motivation,
although
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 their effect does not
last
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 long. I personally think that
people
Use synonyms
 and opportunities in our environment would have a more noticeable impact.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Summarize your main points more effectively in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents both views and your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good flow and logical sequence of ideas.
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