IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people decide to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this trend? What can be done to encourage more people to eat healthier and exercise?

Nowadays,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is becoming
prevelant
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prominent
 and
people
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 tend to have a
helathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 diet and regular
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will illustrate the reason behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and elaborate
with
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on
show examples
 the improvement
on
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of
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 how to incentivize more citizens to do so.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the realization of
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
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 body alerts
people
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 to make a change. Living
in
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apply
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unhealthy
lifestyle
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,
people
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 might get physical and mental wellness issues
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and anxiety.
For instance
Linking Words
, Nationwide conducted a
suevey
Correct your spelling
survey
 in 2023,
showed
Wrong verb form
showing
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 that there were approximately 40% of Americans are obese. Obesity is detrimental to
people
Use synonyms
's confidence leading to their anxiety, shy to go outdoors lest
people
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 laugh at their
body
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bodies
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, obesity will lead to physical
illness
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illnesses
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such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and hypertension. These
chroic
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chronic
 illness alert
people
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 to live
in
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apply
show examples
a
heealthier
Correct your spelling
healthier
lifestyle
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. Eventually,
people
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 are willing to eat healthier and spend time to exercise. For the
encourgement
Correct your spelling
encouragement
 of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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lifestyle
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that the
government
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 play a crucial role. Advertising is
indispensible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
 in
prompting
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promoting
show examples
 the importance of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet and regular
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
. I think the
government
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 can
publicate
Correct your spelling
publicize
 more information through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television advertisement.
For example
Linking Words
, sharing a recipe
of
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for
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 salad and teaching the residents how to do a simple healthy diet can be a great solution.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should
also
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safeguard
Verb problem
ensure
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 there are insufficient public
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 facilities for citizens to utilise.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, there will be no room for
people
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 to live in a healthy way. In conclusion, an unhealthy body arouses
people
Use synonyms
 to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a healthy
lifestyle
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. In order to guarantee their willingness, the
government
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 play a vital role
to support
Change preposition
in supporting
show examples
 them.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by using simpler and more straightforward language. Try to be more direct in your explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more clearly. Use link words (like 'first', 'next', 'finally') to help the reader follow your thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check for spelling and grammar errors. For example, 'prevelant' should be 'prevalent' and 'helathy' should be 'healthy'. This will help improve your writing overall.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide examples to support your points, which makes your argument stronger.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutritional awareness
  • lifestyle diseases
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • fitness influencers
  • wellness
  • healthy eating habits
  • exercise regimen
  • physical activity
  • health consciousness
  • motivational support
What to do next:
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