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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Whether or not smart cities are the best way to improve the living standard of people

Whether or not smart
cities
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 are the best way to improve the living standard of people. Even though, there are valid points on both sides , the benefits of not merely convenience but
also
Linking Words
 the
environment
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's positive effects far outweigh those of high living
cost
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. One of the major advantages of a smart city is its conveniences. Having adopted a wide range of disruptive innovations in the
regularly
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regular
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 basic
,
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apply
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can be conducive to fully supporting general citizens in their fundamental activities;
Moreover
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,
by
Change preposition
apply
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using a cutting-edge transport system
such
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 as the metro, can act as a way to save commuting time, needless to say,
this
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 enhances the felling convenient of dwellers.
For example
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, if people lived in a smart community, they would tend to not worry about a vast amount of problems related to traffic cognitions, leading their lives to be more modernised.
Hence
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 if smart
cities
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 become popular around the world, the lives of each person will be more convenient. What
make
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makes
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this
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 particularly advantageous is the positive efficiency in the
environment
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. Having used renewable energy and emission gas transformation systems in the city, it acts as a deterrent against greenhouse and air pollution which emissions from fossil fuel machines are a precondition. Indeed, the sustainable project of almost all smart
cities
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include
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includes
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plant areas which can ameliorate the burden resolve around pollution.
Therefore
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 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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smart
cities
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 can be stimulated as a way to phase out the bad conditions of urbanization in the
environment
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.
Thus
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 the more adapt smart city is, the better
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 is.
However
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, advocates of not agree with those notions
believe
Correct word choice
and believe
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 that the
cost
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 of living in smart
cities
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 is significantly expensive which causes financial tremendous for
general
Correct article usage
the general
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populaces
Replace the word
population
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.
Due to
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 the fact of producing renewable energy requires a myriad of constant
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 and demand debt, so it might increase the tax for people.
However
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,
this
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 fear can be mitigated if the government limit the rate of tax and adapts a sustainable approach to ensure the living costs are still under control. Ultimately, there is no doubt that the high
cost
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 of living still be a deterrent for general citizens from adapting. In conclusion,
while
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 the expensive living
cost
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 has still been a main disadvantage of smart
cities
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 , their convenience and positive efficiency to the
environment
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 far outweigh these drawbacks make a band score

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but try to state your opinion more clearly. Make sure to summarize your main points in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Try to start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that tells the reader what it is about.
coherence cohesion
Use simpler sentences to improve clarity. Avoid complex phrases that may confuse readers. For example, instead of 'felling convenient of dwellers', say 'feeling comfortable for residents'.
task achievement
You have identified key advantages of smart cities, such as convenience and environmental benefits, which are important points in the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your argument well, reinforcing the main ideas you discussed in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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