IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that spending money on hosting major sporting events is the best investment, while others think that it would be more beneficial to invest in children’s sport skills in schools. Agree or disagree

Some people believe that governments
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world should support their young talents
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 providing lessons in schools,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
cabinet
Correct article usage
the cabinet
show examples
 should work to host
a big events
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big event
big events
show examples
 to enhance their soft power and achieve growth in
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
 sector. I agree with the first team and I will explain with related examples in the following essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 sports curriculum will teach teenagers valuable skills.
For instance
Linking Words
,
footballer
Fix the agreement mistake
footballers
show examples
 can know how to cope with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, sports education could lead to more discipline.
Secondly
Linking Words
, spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 young
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 players may reflect positivity for the national teams in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
. For more clarity,
this
Linking Words
 may lead to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 good qualities of athletes in different games and
push
Wrong verb form
pushing
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 achieve vital trophies.
Finally
Linking Words
, it will give equal access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 and reach to practice their favorite sports.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some communities highlight that hosting
a big events
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big event
big events
show examples
 are waste of time. They build their opinion on several
evidence
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of evidence
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, they embrace that hosting huge events will be beneficial for
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
show examples
 collecting money
aim
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. A good illustration
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that
multi
Correct word choice
multiple
show examples
 companies
gains
Change the verb form
gain
show examples
 millions from
gulf
Capitalize word
Gulf
show examples
 governments,
while
Linking Words
 their national teams face struggles in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international competition.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, it
makes
Verb problem
puts
show examples
 pressure on low-income families.
This
Linking Words
 means that children may demand their families to buy tickets,
while
Linking Words
 they have their priorities. On balance,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 tend to believe that nations should focus their efforts on youngsters. Investing in pupils is the right decision
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and pivotal to pave the way for success.

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task achievement
Make sure your main ideas are clear and fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar to improve clarity.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
You presented some interesting examples to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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