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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is common nowadays to see
children
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 spending several hours a day on their
smartphones
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. Two major causes of
this
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 trend are a
lack
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 of parental supervision and limited opportunities for physical activity.
While
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smartphones
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 can provide educational and entertainment benefits, I believe that excessive use has mostly negative effects on
children
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’s development. One key reason
children
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 use
smartphones
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 so often is that many
parents
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 allow it as a way to keep their
children
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 occupied.
This
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 enables
parents
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 to focus on their own tasks
such
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 as working, relaxing, or doing house chores.
As a result
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,
children
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 may spend long hours browsing the internet or using social media without any guidance or control. Another reason is the
lack
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 of alternative
activities
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. In many areas, there are few public playgrounds or safe outdoor spaces, which makes it harder for
children
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 to engage in physical
activities
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.
Although
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smartphones
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 offer some advantages —
such
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 as access to educational apps or creative games — excessive screen time can negatively affect both mental and physical health.
For instance
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,
children
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 may feel isolated
due to
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 a
lack
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 of real-life social interaction, and they may
also
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 suffer from eye strain or sleep problems caused by prolonged exposure to screens.
In addition
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, the kids
also
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 can suffer
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
metabolically
Change the adverb
metabolic
show examples
 problems
such
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 as obesity
due to
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 a
lack
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 of physical
activities
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. In conclusion,
while
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smartphones
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 can be useful tools,
parents
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 must closely monitor their
children
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’s screen time. By spending more time interacting with their kids and encouraging other types of
activities
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,
parents
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 can help reduce the negative impacts of smartphone overuse.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-organized. You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more clearly; use linking words like 'firstly', 'in addition', and 'for example'.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples but could improve by adding stronger, more detailed examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Expand your introduction with a short overview of the main points you'll discuss.
task achievement
You clearly state both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes your points well and suggests useful actions for parents.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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