It is often thought that an increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violencein the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Actually,the prevalence of cruelty in the
media
Use synonyms
causes to growth
Change preposition
of teenager
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teenager
Replace the word
teenage
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crime. Today,
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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and online resources consist of a lot of news related to offenders and bad accidents.
Additionally
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, juveniles’ minds develop day by day so their characters
also
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change during a maturity period.
Therefore
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, l absolutely agree with
this
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statement based on these aspects. In
favor
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favour
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of the role of the
media
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, it has a comprehensive capacity to deliver all information in a short period. Some children especially
who
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those who
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like to watch TV and social
media
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encounter crime videos and stories
then
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they fall
down
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apply
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under pressure. Because their brain capacity does not refresh bad or good accidents,
as a result
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, it causes a
dramatically
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dramatic
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increase
the
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in the
show examples
number of juvenile offenders. To illustrate
this
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, the population of Azerbaijan have encountered
cruel
Replace the word
cruelty
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from teenagers in order to a “Blue Shark” game on social
media
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since 2015.
On the other hand
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, some internal factors like attitudes and characteristic features influence children’s
behaviors
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behaviours
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. Between a child and teenager period, their mindsets face different situations
such
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as bad life stories on TV shows and viral trends on online platforms.
Firstly
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, these events require various approaches,
for example
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, a juvenile who has a strong perception ability,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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easily understands a circumstance, and
in contrast
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, a person who has a weak mindset,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fails to filter bad or good situations.
Hence
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, their wrong approaches cause a crime.
For instance
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, based on a report by psychologists, approximately 40% of parents bring their children to hospital
due to
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mental problems. In conclusion, the widespread of
media
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brings some bad results among the young generation members. They see videos and news on
media
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and convert them to a potential killer.
Moreover
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, their mental health
also
Linking Words
effect
Verb problem
affects
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their behaviors.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents your opinion but could be clearer. You could briefly state your reasons for agreeing.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your paragraphs better. Use linking phrases to show how your ideas relate to each other.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are hard to follow because of mistakes.
task achievement
You have made a solid attempt to express your views on the topic.
task achievement
You provided an interesting example of a social media challenge, which engages the reader.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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