Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences, while others argue that alternative measures like rehabilitation and education are more effective. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Whether or not prolonging jail time
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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more beneficial than rehabilitating
as well as
Linking Words
educating
prisoners
Use synonyms
is argued. The writer of
this
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essay believes the latter provide greater aid for society as they make
inmates
Use synonyms
understand their wrongdoings. It is vital to understand that prioritizing rehabilitation
along with
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education over
prolong
Wrong verb form
prolonged
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jail time is more positive as it will avoid overpopulation. Simply put, as more
prisoners
Use synonyms
enter prisons the more they slowly build up in population which eventually
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
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the occupation’s limit.
Though
Correct word choice
However
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, through rehabilitation, more individuals are able to leave these establishments balancing between the new and previous
inmates
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.
For instance
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, in some countries where life sentences are implemented, the percentages of
human
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humans
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per square block exceeded those of regulated ones.
However
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, some fear that ex-
prisoners
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would recommit their crimes after being released.
This
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drives
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is driven
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from
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by
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the belief that
due to
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prior
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
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,
inmates
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might not be hired by employers. Forcing them to take part in illegal activities as a final resort.
This
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might be true in the past, but it is compulsory for the apparent justice system to provide jobs for
prisoners
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after being released so they can make a living.
Therefore
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, it is more effective to educate
criminals
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rather than
lengthening
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lengthen
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their jail time. From the writer’s experience, rehabilitation aids
criminals
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understand
Change preposition
in understanding
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their
wrong doings
Correct your spelling
wrongdoings
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.
This
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is because some people, especially children, are involuntarily forced or manipulated into violating the law for others’
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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while
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they themselves have not grasped the weight of their actions.
As a result
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, if put under programs teaching the law
as well as
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righteous morals
then
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these
once
Correct word choice
apply
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criminals
Use synonyms
could understand the weight of their actions. When applied, rehabilitating can allow ex-
inmates
Use synonyms
to redeem themselves. In conclusion, though fear of released
prisoners
Use synonyms
recommitting
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
might be apparent in some people, rehabilitating and educating
inmates
Use synonyms
not only decrease overpopulation but
also
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
criminals
Use synonyms
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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conscious of their actions. If law offenders
are
Wrong verb form
were
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to redeem themselves, society would be more positive.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main idea. Focus on making connections between sentences and ideas stronger.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to show your points. This helps to support your arguments better.
coherence and cohesion
Fix small grammar and punctuation errors to improve clarity. This will make your writing easier to understand.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion about supporting rehabilitation and education.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and summarize your views well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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