IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at School and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that both
competition
Use synonyms
 and cooperation play important roles in our personal and professional lives.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that competing with others helps individuals achieve better results, others believe that collaboration leads to greater productivity and innovation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.  On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
competition
Use synonyms
 can be quite helpful.
In other words
Linking Words
, when competing against others you will give the best results and try to be better.
In addition
Linking Words
, many companies have improved because of
competition
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 apple and Android, Apple have improved significantly since Android started their new Samsung devices Apple saw that they were getting a lot of sales so they decided to release the new iPhone. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cooperating more can be useful, it is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say when people cooperate with each other they can produce more ideas.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many companies have grown dramatically after they cooperate with other organizations.
For instance
Linking Words
, Nike with Jordan was the most successful collaboration and it made them grow by 100 per cent their shoes were the most popular one back in 2015.  In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 
competition
Use synonyms
 can drive individuals to improve and achieve success, I firmly believe that cooperation fosters creativity, teamwork, and sustainable growth.
Therefore
Linking Words
, encouraging collaboration is often more beneficial than promoting rivalry in most aspects of life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating the key points you will discuss in the essay.
improvement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to your main argument.
improvement
Try to elaborate on your examples to show how they support your points better.
improvement
Work on smoother transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
strength
You presented both views well, showing an understanding of the topic.
strength
Your conclusion effectively summarized your argument and presented your opinion clearly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: