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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should ban all forms of advertising because it can influence people to buy unnecessary things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's rapidly changing world, advertising plays a vital role in shaping
individuals
Use synonyms
' futures and advancing society. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the government should ban all forms of advertising because it can influence
people
Use synonyms
 to buy unnecessary things. The present essay will introduce a well-reasoned personal stance. On the one hand, supporters of banning all forms of advertising believe that it offers clear advantages for the two
individuals
Use synonyms
 and society. One key reason is that it can lead to influencing
people
Use synonyms
 to buy unnecessary things, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may contribute to wasting their money without benefit. To illustrate, in countries that do not invest heavily in advertising, there are often positive outcomes
such
Linking Words
 as improved quality of life and stronger social systems.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach is considered effective and necessary by many
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 the computer's users.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 that allowing all forms of advertising may bring more sustainable and long-term benefits.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 perspective often focuses on addressing the root causes of problems rather than just the symptoms.
For instance
Linking Words
, when governments or communities support advertising, it can lead to raising the awareness of
people
Use synonyms
 for unnecessary buying operators, which benefits both
individuals
Use synonyms
 and the wider community.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 view is increasingly gaining support in modern societies. By way of conclusion, I strongly agree with banning advertising, as it offers more effective solutions for both
individuals
Use synonyms
 and society.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas clearly.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support your arguments and strengthen your points.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the topic and address both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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