IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Games are a crucial part of
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 individual's life as it is a source of entertainment and knowledge. Some people have a notion that the players should have the physical strength to become famous and other masses and I think that a powerful intellectual memory is the most pivotal part to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 successful. I will discuss both views and my opinion in the
Linking Words
further
Correct word choice
following
show examples
 paragraphs. To commence with, physical strength is an imperative part because it will help in long-term training. Most of the games like cricket, soccer and swimming are convoluted which is why a person needs 6 to 8 hours of coaching from their mentor in order to learn new tips and tricks to become a master in these games .
For instance
Linking Words
, the international cricket team appointed a coach who
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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provided them with immense and tough training
as a result
Linking Words
 they won the IPL match .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the game association only hire a player if he is mentally fit because a sound mind has a sound body . An individual can solve a complex situation with their problem-solving skills
hence
Linking Words
 , it will polish their
overall
Linking Words
 performance during a match . The captain of the team should have
Add an article
the
an
show examples
ability that he can enlighten the path of the team with his witty and sensible thoughts.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person with a strong mind can overcome obstacles and make a substantial accomplishment. In conclusion, mental strength is more important as compared to physical power . The masses should have vigilant and ignited thoughts in order to accomplish a task with determination and dedication.

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introduction
Your introduction is clear but could be more engaging. Try to write a stronger hook sentence to capture attention.
coherence
Make sure to clearly separate your points in each paragraph. Use more linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'finally' to improve flow.
support
Add more specific examples or details to support your arguments. Describe how mental strength leads to success.
clarity
Check grammar and clarity in sentences. Some sentences are long and complex, making them harder to understand.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is good for Task Achievement.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion clearly, which helps in coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
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