IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

Older
people
Use synonyms
 are no less than a treasure with immense knowledge and experiences . Some
people
Use synonyms
 have a notion that they should work in their old age but
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 oppose the statement and
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 they should not be involved in any activity. I personally believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior citizens have some job duties to accomplish. I will discuss both views in the following paragraphs. To commence with, the senior citizens have a plethora of information and they can share their experiences with the younger employees to
enhances
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 their knowledge and make a friendly and
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 relationship with them .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the company can use them as an asset for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profit and will reach the heights of success
as a result
Linking Words
 the older
people
Use synonyms
 will get
bonus
Add an article
a bonus
the bonus
show examples
 as a reward.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per the survey, more than 30%
old
Change preposition
of old
show examples
 age
people
Use synonyms
 are working in the government sector.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is a burden to continue a job because some
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 are physically demanding
hence
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 are not able to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 their medical conditions. The senior citizens feel lethargic and exhausted after a few working hours
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 has
a detrimental effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a detrimental effect
detrimental effects
show examples
 on their
overall
Linking Words
 health.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per the
BBC
Add a comma
BBC,
show examples
 a person
rushed
Add a missing verb
is rushed
show examples
 to the hospital
due to
Linking Words
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
show examples
 attack because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work pressure.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 work they will have a source of income and a company from their colleagues
thus
Linking Words
 they cannot feel isolated.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be more clear. State your opinion more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly, such as 'firstly', 'furthermore', and 'in conclusion'.
task achievement
Make sure you support your points with more specific examples or explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are a bit unclear.
task achievement
You have shown an understanding of both sides of the argument. This is good!
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant points about the benefits of older workers; this shows you have thoughtful ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
What to do next:
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