It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

Older
people
Use synonyms
are no less than a treasure with immense knowledge and experiences . Some
people
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have a notion that they should work in their old age but
other
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others
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oppose the statement and
says
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say
show examples
they should not be involved in any activity. I personally believe that
the
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apply
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senior citizens have some job duties to accomplish. I will discuss both views in the following paragraphs. To commence with, the senior citizens have a plethora of information and they can share their experiences with the younger employees to
enhances
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enhance
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their knowledge and make a friendly and
cozy
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cosy
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relationship with them .
Moreover
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, the company can use them as an asset for
the
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apply
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profit and will reach the heights of success
as a result
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the older
people
Use synonyms
will get
bonus
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a bonus
the bonus
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as a reward.
For instance
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, as per the survey, more than 30%
old
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of old
show examples
age
people
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are working in the government sector.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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think it is a burden to continue a job because some
job
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jobs
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are physically demanding
hence
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,
the
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apply
show examples
older
people
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are not able to cope
up
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apply
show examples
due to
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their medical conditions. The senior citizens feel lethargic and exhausted after a few working hours
and
Correct word choice
which
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has
a detrimental effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a detrimental effect
detrimental effects
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on their
overall
Linking Words
health.
For instance
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, as per the
BBC
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BBC,
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a person
rushed
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is rushed
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to the hospital
due to
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heart
Correct article usage
a heart
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attack because of
the
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apply
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work pressure.
To conclude
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,
i
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I
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believe that if
the
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apply
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older
people
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work they will have a source of income and a company from their colleagues
thus
Linking Words
they cannot feel isolated.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be more clear. State your opinion more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly, such as 'firstly', 'furthermore', and 'in conclusion'.
task achievement
Make sure you support your points with more specific examples or explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are a bit unclear.
task achievement
You have shown an understanding of both sides of the argument. This is good!
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant points about the benefits of older workers; this shows you have thoughtful ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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