IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, • describe the situation • explain your problems and why it is difficult to work • say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

Dear Sir, I hope you are doing well. I am writing to express my concern, regarding the room-share arrangement as it proves to be a lot more difficult, than I expected. I am staying in room no. 818 of Paari hostel with 1 other boy
of
Change preposition
from
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mechanical
Correct article usage
the mechanical
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 department,
name
Wrong verb form
named
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 Mahesh. We both have completely opposite
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
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 of classes and work. My classes commence from 9 AM for which I have to sleep by 10 PM and wake up around 8 am to complete my morning routine
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and reach class on time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Mahesh gets free from the classes and returns to the hostel room between 9 to 10 PM and
then
Linking Words
 studies or uses his PC till late at night.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it affects my sleeping routine resulting in, an inadequate amount of rest which may affect my grades for the semester. I request a personal accommodation for myself in any hostel, where personal rooms are available so that I can plan my routine and work
accordingly
Linking Words
. Thanks for understanding my issue. I am looking forward to hearing from your end. Sincerely, Mohit

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task achievement
Try to provide more details about how this situation affects your studies. This will help explain your problems better.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using simpler sentences to make your ideas clearer. This can help with the flow of your letter.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas with transitions, like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition', to make your letter more organized.
task achievement
You have a clear reason for your request which shows understanding of your needs.
suitable writing tone
The tone of your letter is polite and respectful, which is great for formal communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accommodation officer
  • roommate
  • share a room
  • living arrangement
  • difficult to work
  • noise levels
  • study environment
  • privacy concerns
  • alternative accommodation
  • single room
  • academic performance
  • well-being
  • respectfully request
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