IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Games play a crucial role because it is a source of entertainment and knowledge. Some people believe that
a
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apply
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professional people from sports fields become famous and earn lucrative profits.
Other
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Others
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 hold different
notion
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notions
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 that it is not fair because other professions should deserve equal respect . I am going to elaborate
both
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on both
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 views and my view in the following paragraphs. On the one hand ,the players
exhibits
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exhibit
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there
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their
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 talent on the
nation
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national
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 and
the
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international levels and make their country proud with
a
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constant hard work and dedication
hence
Linking Words
 it creates a healthy environment among the nations which brings a sense of brotherhood
as a result
Linking Words
, they have global fan following.
For instance
Linking Words
, Cristiano Rolando is a soccer player and he has 400
millions
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million
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 followers on
the
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social media simultaneously he
earn
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earns
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 millions of dollars with one post on
the
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Instagram.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some portion of
a
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the
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 population and I think that other occupations like doctor , engineer and scientist should have
same
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the same
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 income and respect because
there
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their
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 contributions
in
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to
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 the welfare of
the
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society
is
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are
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 more as compared to the players. They have years of hands-on practice in their particular field .
For instance
Linking Words
, a mentor has
a
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the
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 ability to enlighten the path of their students with their witty thoughts and sensible nature as pupils are the future of a nation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a doctor can assess and diagnose his patients and provide accurate treatment
plan
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plans
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 in order to achieve
a
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good health.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the efforts and
persistence
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persistent
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 nature of the other professions cannot be ignored and
there
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their
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 determination should be awarded by the higher authorities.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic but could better state your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure paragraphs are clear and connected with linking words to guide the reader.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and explanations to support your points.
task achievement
You clearly present both views of the argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
What to do next:
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