IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the contemporary day, many animals have already gone extinct, while others have been warned to have a similar risk

In the contemporary day, many
animals
Use synonyms
 have already gone extinct,
while
Linking Words
 others have been warned to have a similar risk. Two significant causes came from overhunting and
also
Linking Words
climate
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change
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, both of which contributed to the loss of
biodiversity
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as well as
Linking Words
 negative efficiency to humans. These issues can be addressed by the government if they enact a sustainable approach,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to the number of
animals
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 in danger being recovered. One of the principal reasons is the over-hunting tendency. Having been hunted for their financial valuation,especially their meat , a vast amount of rare
animals
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 ran up against death, even though the belief related to their magical valuation has not been proved by any scientific theories.
For example
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, a vast amount of rhinos have been killed because many people believe their horns can reduce health issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the increase in over-hunting moves in tandem with the degradation of
biodiversity
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. Another critical reason is
climate
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change
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. Simply put,
climate
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change
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 or
ruther
Correct your spelling
rather
 is a natural disaster that acts as a deterrent against animal's life , destroying their fundamental base, and putting a lot of
animals
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 in jeopardy. Needless to say, endangered
animals
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 run a higher risk of extinction.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
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 concerns
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 some special
animals
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 which used their material in medicine become disappear,
further
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 adversely affecting general citizens. To tackle these issues , the government should enact a sustainable approach. By using green energy and non-emission vehicles, the greenhouse effects can be ameliorated, yet, if people produce less gas emissions, the
climate
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change
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 inclination can become better which can later positively affect
biodiversity
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, limiting the rate of hunting can phase out the extinction of endangered
animals
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 and help them to recover. Ultimately these strategies , endangered
animals
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 are conducive to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 out of precarious situations and are likely to recover later,
this
Linking Words
 can improve the variety of
biodiversity
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 and
also
Linking Words
 help people in producing medicines. In conclusion,overhunting and
climate
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change
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 contribute to the problems in animal wildlife. If the government adopts a sustainable approach related to the environment, it can deter endangered
animals
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 from extinction and
also
Linking Words
 lead them to recover their numbers
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples

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task achievement
Make sure to include clear examples to support your main points. Some points need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to connect ideas better and make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spellings. Some sentences can be clearer with correct punctuation and structure.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You identified important issues such as overhunting and climate change that impact animal extinction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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