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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

It is argued whether having a say in choosing what to eat, wear or how to play, will make
children
Use synonyms
 so self-centered in the future.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some people believe that it is so crucial to involve
children
Use synonyms
 in everyday
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
. I firmly agree with the latter view. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, some individuals think that
leting
Correct your spelling
letting
children
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
decide about every single matter
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own will ultimately make them too egotistical and self-absorbed to care about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others in society. They may believe that
this
Linking Words
 uncontrolled authority for young
children
Use synonyms
 may lead to never apprehending the limitations and
dounting
Correct your spelling
daunting
 situations. Take a child who has always reached what they have wanted shortly after they made up their mind and required them,
for instance
Linking Words
. They may never have been curbed for their
decisions
Use synonyms
 by their parents which can lead them on a path of self-centered lives and they may never try to be considerate or tactful.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
children
Use synonyms
 can independently make their own
decisions
Use synonyms
 and learn to feel sympathetic and considerate about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some parents believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should have the chance to decide about everything
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own for two main reasons. First and foremost, they will learn to accept all the responsibilities of their
decisions
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 understand that they can never
blaim
Correct your spelling
blame
claim
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others for the
circumestances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 they have been through as they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who has chosen
this
Linking Words
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the more practical role
children
Use synonyms
 have in their lives, the more confident and
self-relient
Correct your spelling
self-reliant
 they will be in the future. I believe that parents can simultaneously give their
children
Use synonyms
 the opportunity of independent
decisions
Use synonyms
 and
accommodating
Wrong verb form
accommodate
show examples
 their needs without pampering them. In conclusion, some people claim that
leting
Correct your spelling
letting
children
Use synonyms
 decide about all their daily matters will lead to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a society full of selfish and non-collaborating people.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it not only teaches
children
Use synonyms
 to stay on their own feet but
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them feel more assertive.

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task achievement
Clarify your main arguments and support them with clear examples. Avoid vague phrases.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow between ideas, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Check for minor spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract from your message.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion that supports your argument well.
coherence cohesion
Your structure is clear with an introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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