IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men, so there is logic that men and women should share the household tasks equally. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

In many nations , a
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 large number of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 have full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 as
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
, some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that men and
women
Use synonyms
 have to
share
Use synonyms
 the
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
 fairly .In recent years, men and
women
Use synonyms
 should collaborate
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
household
Use synonyms
 together has triggered widespread debate,
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion of the population believes that
women
Use synonyms
 should accomplish all the
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
, I strongly agree that
Use synonyms
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
 the
household
Use synonyms
 with family members is
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 reasonable perspective. Men and
women
Use synonyms
 have
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 both working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the daytime,
therefore
Linking Words
, when they off
work
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
they are
show examples
 out of energy.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,
Use synonyms
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
 the
household
Use synonyms
 together is fair. In the past, the majority of the workers were
Add an article
a man
show examples
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 they worked
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the daytime
then
Linking Words
 no need to do the
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
house works
.
Few
Change the article
A few
show examples
 years ago, the working environment changed
to
Change preposition
so
show examples
women
Use synonyms
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 too.
In addition
Linking Words
, the living environment and
household
Use synonyms
 have to
maintain
Wrong verb form
be maintained
show examples
 by the member who lived in. It was fair that people
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to do the housework.
For example
Linking Words
, in
taiwan
Change the capitalization
Taiwan
show examples
, a
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 large number of
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
 worked outside,
Use synonyms
women
Correct word choice
and women
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 not
housewife
Fix the agreement mistake
housewives
show examples
 anymore,
therefore
Linking Words
, the
household
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not their own
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
. Some families changed to the female cook for dinner
then
Linking Words
 the male do the dishes. People
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 the things they
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
 at to collaborate
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
 the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 at home. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the logic of
Use synonyms
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
 the housework with the family members, each
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 may
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 tired after
work
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 they still have to maintain the tidy of the house,
thus
Linking Words
 ,
collaborate
Wrong verb form
collaborating
show examples
 the
work
Use synonyms
 together it’s equal.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction is a bit unclear. Try to make your main idea clearer and state your opinion clearly at the end of the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are good, but the structure of your paragraphs could be clearer. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that explains the main idea.
Task Achievement
You have some good examples, but make sure they are explained well. This will help support your points better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your grammar and vocabulary. Some sentences are hard to understand due to mistakes. Make sure to use full sentences and correct punctuation.
Task Achievement
You made a clear argument for sharing housework, and your opinion is strong.
Task Achievement
You provided examples from Taiwan, which helps support your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • equally
  • household tasks
  • jobs
  • women
  • men
  • share
  • relationship
  • teamwork
  • chores
  • balance
  • education
  • skilled
  • contribute
  • stress
  • partners
  • strengths
  • weaknesses
  • respect
  • efficiently
  • fair division
  • mutual appreciate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: