IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governtments should invest funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

I highly believe as a member of a society.
That allocating
Correct word choice
Allocating
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 money expenditure covering the community's interest without leaving someone feeling left out , and making them feel their own
interset
Correct your spelling
interest
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 is ridiculous and unworthy.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally disagrees with that statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, The
government
Use synonyms
 is
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
to please
Change preposition
for pleasing
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 each
parties
Change to a singular noun
party
show examples
 in society, especially
Correct word choice
since they'll
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they'll be
Wrong verb form
they are
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 living and communicating with each other. If the
government
Use synonyms
 gave investment to only one
gruop
Correct your spelling
group
 and showed obvious favouritism, The other
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 feel excluded and most of them perhaps
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 simply leave.
Moreover
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, Art is very important, It makes people feel alive . I wouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 recommend excluding them because if it wasn'
t
Use synonyms
 important it wouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 exist
from
Change preposition
in
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 the first place.It's not fear to fund only what the
government
Use synonyms
 think
what's
Verb problem
is
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 important and
ignores
Correct subject-verb agreement
ignore
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 people's needs. Individuals have the right to express their needs and desires.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe the
government
Use synonyms
 shouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 ignore
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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certain
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 which can
extremely
Add a missing verb
be extremely
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 productive and impotent,
However
Linking Words
. I do understand they're trying to do their best and make sure the investments and funds are going to the right place, but not
with
Change preposition
at
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the expense
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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 lives.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly present your main ideas and support them with examples. The points made are good, but need more detail.
coherence
Try to create a clearer structure in paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea, explained clearly and logically.
cohesion
Use linking words to connect your sentences better. This helps the reader follow your ideas more easily.
task achievement
You express a strong opinion about the importance of art and the need for the government to consider all groups in society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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