IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists tell us some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions?

Although
Linking Words
 scientists clearly explained
activities
Use synonyms
 that are beneficial or harmful to health, a number of individuals continue to follow unhealthy lifestyles ,despite knowing the consequences.The main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 problem is addiction ;
however
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,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be addressed by
initiative
Add an article
the initiative
an initiative
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 of parents ,family and government . One of the prominent reasons ,why many
people
Use synonyms
 choose harmful
activities
Use synonyms
 rather than better
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 is
due to
Linking Words
 addictive behaviour .
That is
Linking Words
 to say ,these days more
people
Use synonyms
 are completely aware of the fact that
Correct article usage
a sedantary
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sedantary
Correct your spelling
sedentary
 lifestyle leads to several health issues like cardiac diseases, obesity and diabetes mellitus but
due to
Linking Words
 their addiction they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 resist themselves to perform the tasks
such
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 as sitting for a prolonged period of time
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
tv
Add an article
the tv
show examples
 and playing virtual games.
For example
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,These days many
people
Use synonyms
 choose to perform indoor
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
such
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 as surfing
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 rather than going outside for jogging ,walking and playing in parks .
In addition
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,
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 is another contributing factor
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 adopting unhealthy living standards .
In other words
Linking Words
, if someone has no job to do
this
Linking Words
 leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation in life.
However
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 predicament can be resolved by parents if their children continuously perform bad
activities
Use synonyms
 like screen time
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 be switched
creative
Change preposition
to creative
show examples
 hobbies
such
Linking Words
 as painting and outdoor sports
.parents
Correct your spelling
Parents
 should have a consistent and firm approach to ensure children carefully listen to them .
Moreover
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,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should organize more sports competitions and reward the participants ,
this
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 way
public
Add an article
the public
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 can be encouraged to choose healthy
activities
Use synonyms
. In conclusion ,many individuals are performing unhealthy
activities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 addiction and unemployment .A solution to
this
Linking Words
 is strict parenting and government support to motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to adopt healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and introduces the topic well. Try to use more specific examples and details in your body paragraphs to support your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to organize your ideas clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and sentences should connect smoothly. Consider using linking words to improve flow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your writing more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure.
task achievement
You identified key reasons for unhealthy activities, such as addiction and unemployment.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • chemical reactions
  • dependency
  • social and cultural norms
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • temptations
  • implementing policies
  • taxing
  • supportive environment
  • accountability
  • unhealthy habits
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