IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, economic
wealth
Use synonyms
 has been playing a major role for all nations for their betterment. Some groups of
people
Use synonyms
 think that
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
show examples
 surge in economic prosperity in the country cannot be beneficial
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
to citizens. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint and will discuss it with related examples in the following essay. Several reasons can be considered to support it. The predominant reason is that
due to
Linking Words
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in economic
wealth
Use synonyms
, the government can provide facilities to residents of the nations.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can be helpful to individuals to live a better life. To illustrate, the government can utilise the extra money to improve and expand transportation facilities that can be useful for
people
Use synonyms
 to easily commute from one place to another place.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with the help of more
wealth
Use synonyms
 one can fulfill their family’s needs and wants
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be favourable
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 to live conveniently. Not only that, the government can
also
Linking Words
 boost services in the sector of health and education that can be beneficial for individuals who are in need.
For example
Linking Words
, a study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that Canada used its 50% of extra
wealth
Use synonyms
 in the agriculture sector.
Therefore
Linking Words
, individuals who reside in the countryside areas get benefits.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are numerous merits of extra money in the countries. As it helps to improve and create more facilities
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, education, and many more.
As well as
Linking Words
 increase in economic
wealth
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
helpful to
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
live the life that they dreamed
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples

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Task Response
You should clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure it is clear in the conclusion as well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and make them stronger.
Task Response
You have addressed the topic well by stating your disagreement clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs have a clear focus and express main ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic wealth
  • happiness
  • basic needs
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • satisfaction
  • hedonic adaptation
  • social connections
  • community involvement
  • personal fulfillment
  • opportunities
  • leisure activities
  • psychological phenomenon
  • diminishing returns
  • affluence
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