IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up.

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up.
The tables present the percentage of
smokers
Use synonyms
 who want to quit smoking, classified by the five reasons and the intended time to give up.
Overall
Linking Words
, present
health
Use synonyms
 problems were the least common
reason
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the most cited
reason
Use synonyms
 was to improve general
health
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the proportion of
smokers
Use synonyms
 planning to give up was higher than those who did not, with the largest share planning to do so within the next 6 months. The most common
reason
Use synonyms
 why people wanted to stop smoking was having better
health
Use synonyms
 in general, which stood at 71% in total, with 74% of them smoking fewer than 10 per day.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 10% mentioned suffering from
health
Use synonyms
 problems as their main
reason
Use synonyms
, followed by 16% of family pressure aspect. People
also
Linking Words
 wanted to stop because of financial considerations, accounting for 31%,
while
Linking Words
 25% said to avoid smoking-related illness. Regarding the intended time, the proportion of
smokers
Use synonyms
 planning to give up within the next month was stated as 12%, making up the smallest rate among other plans. There were only 8% and 9% of them said smoked daily with 20+ and 10-19 cigarettes.
By comparison
Linking Words
, 35% planned to quit within the next 6 months, 14% larger than those who did within the next year.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of
smokers
Use synonyms
 who intended to give up made up the majority, at just above 70% compared to 29% of those who did not.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers, health, reason with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: