Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. L Discuss two views and give your opinion.

Few society believe that spare
time
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should be invested in movement
such
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as reading, and playing word puzzles which improves thinking power.
while
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,
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others feel that it is essential to take a rest in their leisure
time
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. I strongly believe that the public must spend their remaining
time
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in movement to improve their mind power.
This
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essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, investing free
time
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only to rest will definitely relax the mind.
people
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always especially on weekends, are encouraged towards sleep for long hours which leads to remaining stress-free and staying away from physical and mental pain.
As a result
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, they end their weekend with no
such
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improvement in personal
as well as
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professional growth.
For example
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, The University Of Oxford has proved that 95% of the public who spend their convenient moment resting and relaxing do not reach higher positions in their jobs.
On the other hand
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,
wise
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the wise
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public
invest
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invests
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their leisure moment in
exercise
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exercises
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such
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as reading
,
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apply
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and doing word puzzles. Making the habit to busy with other activities will improve intellectual ability.
This
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will make
people
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expand their power of thinking, gaining knowledge
along with
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their mindset
also
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will improve on a daily basis.
Therefore
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,
People
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must spend leisure
time
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to sharpen their minds for a career
as well as
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personal growth.
For instance
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, my colleague spends most of his free
time
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busy with valuable exercises
such
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as chess, solving puzzles, etc.
To conclude
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, society must know how to utilize their free
time
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in
such
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a way that it will lead to their strong mental health.
On the contrary
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,
people
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who spend the day sleeping the whole day to relax the body must
also
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do activities which will be helpful to them.

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your points. Your conclusion should restate your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader on what the paragraph will discuss.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You presented both views well and shared your opinion clearly, which is important in IELTS writing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, making it easy to understand your points overall.
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