The pie charts below shows the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

The pie charts below shows the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The pie charts below shows the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
The pie charts illustrate the percentages of the devices's usage in Canada in the years 2009 and 2019. It is clear from the graph that the proportion of desktop computer users did not change in both years,
whereas
Linking Words
the ratio of conventional
TV
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
increased significantly. In 2009, laptop usage was 20 per cent and in 2019, the percentage
decreasedto
Correct your spelling
decreased to
decreased
12%,
in contrast
Linking Words
to
mopile
Correct your spelling
mobile
phone users the ratio
dramaticly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
increased from 15% to 27%. Conventional
TV
Use synonyms
proportion was ranked the highest in 2009 at 34% ,
while
Linking Words
in 2019, it
considered
Add a missing verb
was considered
show examples
the lowest at 4%.
In addition
Linking Words
, tablets and flat-screen
Use synonyms
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
were owned less in 2009 at 5% and 8% compared to the other
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
at 19 per cent and 27 per cent respectively. In the year 2009, almost half of the population
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
using old
TV
Use synonyms
units and laptops,
while
Linking Words
in 2019, approximately half of the society used flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
and
mopile
Correct your spelling
mobile
phones.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words tv with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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