IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals assert that advanced available
technology
Use synonyms
 causes a
grow
Replace the word
growth
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 of a chasm between the rich and the poor.
This
Linking Words
 is a reasonable argument, because
people
Use synonyms
 with more money can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most up-to-date
technology
Use synonyms
 easily, which will cause them to
separete
Correct your spelling
separate
 themselves from other members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
However
Linking Words
,
others
Use synonyms
 claim that the outcomes of the improved
technology
Use synonyms
 are vice versa
due to
Linking Words
 its power to connect
people
Use synonyms
 regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distance or social status. It is an indisputable fact that
better off
Add a hyphen
better-off
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 purchase the most recent products earlier than the
others
Use synonyms
, and they become the first users of these innovations.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, rich
people
Use synonyms
 have
distinctive
Correct quantifier usage
more distinctive
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 experiences than those who cannot afford these goods.
For example
Linking Words
, members of the high society experienced autopilot driving through Tesla cars before and more frequently than everyone else, and it distorted their perception of traditional driving methods.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, advanced machinery, particularly
advent
Correct article usage
the advent
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 of social media, helps to connect the
people
Use synonyms
. Through diverse
platforms
Add a comma
platforms,
show examples
 individuals can chat and discuss views about current problems.
For instance
Linking Words
,
live
Correct article usage
the live
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 chat option that X provides for its users
gather
Correct subject-verb agreement
gathers
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people
Use synonyms
 across the world, and hereby
enabling
Wrong verb form
enables
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 a famous New York Times editor and a normal citizen
discuss
Fix the infinitive
to discuss
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 the pressing challenges. In conclusion, it is undeniable that because of current machinery, a gap becomes much deeper between
people
Use synonyms
 from the top and bottom of the social ladder. One of the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is that
better off
Add a hyphen
better-off
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 utilize innovations more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Use synonyms
. Yet, I believe that advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 affects normal
people
Use synonyms
 in a good way by removing the obstacles that distance and financial situation create and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 them to find means to connect with
others
Use synonyms
 all over the world.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain your ideas and stay focused on your main point. This will help your readers understand your message better.
coherence
Try to use clearer linking words or phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow better.
task achievement
Add more examples or details to support your arguments. This will show your understanding and strengthen your points.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows a fair understanding of the topic.
coherence
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital divide
  • Socio-economic classes
  • Economic opportunities
  • Democratizes access
  • Technological gadgets
  • Advanced educational tools
  • Remote work
  • Online courses
  • Digital literacy
  • Digital inclusion
  • Underprivileged communities
  • Technological advancements
  • Cutting-edge technologies
  • Economic standing
  • Quality of life
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