IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Social media is making people less social. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the development of technologies, social media has been publicized rapidly,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it makes individuals become not as sociable as they used to
.
Add a missing verb
be.
show examples
 The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with the statement
as
Change preposition
of
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 being addicted and doing
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
. It is vital to understand that being addicted to social media is one of the major problems. A large amount of
users
Use synonyms
 nowadays
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in a digital world through social platforms. The major of them spend hours and hours just using their
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
show examples
 devices,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to to addiction of using social media, making
users
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
apply
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stand not using the devices.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, numerous
users
Use synonyms
 become lonely,
lose
Correct word choice
and lose
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 their friends
also
Linking Words
 their families.
Another essential problems
Replace the adjective
Another essential problem
Other essential problems
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due to
Linking Words
 the less sociable person is being
loss
Replace the word
lost
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outdoor
Change preposition
in outdoor
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activities
Use synonyms
. As
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 addicted, many people will not have any passion
to do
Change preposition
for doing
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 any outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 like sports or camping. Making them
become
Verb problem
apply
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lazier,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will lead to a decline
of
Change preposition
in
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 physical health for most
users
Use synonyms
 and they do not want to make
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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, just want to sit in the house
for
Change preposition
apply
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all
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, roughly 15% of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 in the US do not have any friends as they spend all
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
 in a house using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social platforms or playing video games. In conclusion, the author agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
Linking Words
 the addiction and lack of outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will
desvatate
Correct your spelling
devastate
 physical health and
also
Linking Words
 the relationships around them making their life
worser
Correct your spelling
worse
 if it keeps going.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your main ideas. Make sure each point is explained well.
coherence
Use better linking words to connect your ideas together. This will make your essay smoother.
task achievement
Expand your examples and explain them in more detail to support your points better.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion in your introduction, which helps guide your reader.
task achievement
You address important issues related to social media, such as addiction and lack of outdoor activities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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