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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that using mobile phones in schools should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In recent years, the issue of allowing
students
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 to use mobile
phones
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 in schools has sparked considerable debate.
While
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 some people believe that mobile
phones
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 are a major distraction and should be strictly banned, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view because these devices are powerful tools for modern education
and
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, and
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 they provide a necessary communication link during emergencies. ​ ​
To begin
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 with, one of the primary reasons why I support
this
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 position is that mobile
phones
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 offer
students
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 a gateway to unlimited information.
This
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 is mainly because with high-speed internet,
students
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 can access digital textbooks, educational videos, and research papers instantly, which leads to a more engaging and self-reliant learning experience.
For example
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, if a teacher is explaining a complex scientific process,
students
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 can use their
phones
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 to watch a 3D animation of that topic for better clarity.
As a result
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, mobile
phones
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 act as a portable library that helps
students
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 improve their academic performance, making
this
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 argument highly convincing. ​ ​Another key reason is that mobile
phones
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 are vital for the safety and security of
students
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.
In other words
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, in an unpredictable world, being able to reach family members at any time is a basic necessity.
This
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 can result in a safer environment for the children and peace of mind for the parents, which is beneficial in many ways.
For instance
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, if there is a sudden transport strike or a student feels unwell, they can immediately contact their parents to take them home, thereby strengthening the argument that
phones
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 are essential safety devices in today's life. ​ ​In conclusion,
although
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 there are arguments on both sides, I firmly believe that mobile
phones
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 should be integrated into school life with proper rules rather than being banned
due to
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 the reasons discussed above.
This
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 approach is more beneficial for individuals and society as a whole.

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task response
Make your main idea a bit more balanced. You say you strongly disagree, but you do not talk much about the other side.
task response
Add one short point about how phones can distract students, then show why rules are better than a full ban.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some lines are a little general. Explain one idea more deeply.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and direct. This will make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some linking phrases are used too often. Try simpler links too.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long. Make a few of them shorter for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main point, which is good. Keep this style.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep your opinion the same from start to end.
task response
Your essay covers the topic well and gives two clear reasons for your view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction is clear and the conclusion matches your ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
You support your main points with examples, which helps your argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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