IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.
The table
demonstrates
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 the data
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the survey
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 100,000 individuals
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 reason why they
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
 abroad in the period of year1994 and 1998,
then
Linking Words
 the bar chart illustrates the areas that the citizens who lived in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the
table
Add a comma
table,
show examples
 the main factor of
traveled
Replace the word
travel
show examples
 abroad was
Add an article
a
show examples
holiday,
while
Linking Words
 the table showed the residents in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 most travel to western Europe.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 people
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 on holiday
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occupied the highest number in the following years,
As well as
Linking Words
 the upward trend rose from 15,246 ,
then
Linking Words
 slightly decreased to 14,898. After that ,
non stopping
Add a hyphen
non-stopping
show examples
 rose to 20,700. The
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
 because of business
were growth
Verb problem
grew
show examples
 to nearly four
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1998. There were under 3000 people
have
Verb problem
who were on
show examples
 a trip to
visits
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 friends and relatives. By looking at the bar chart, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 residents in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
show examples
 to
west
Replace the word
Western
show examples
 Europe
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
obvious
Change the word
obviously
show examples
outweigh
Wrong verb form
outweighed
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North America and other areas. The number saw an upward trend from the beginning,
while
Linking Words
 the figures
fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 from under 2000 to nearly 22500 between 1994 to 1996,
then
Linking Words
 increased to about 20,000
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, travelers to North America and other areas demonstrated a
slightly surged
Replace the word
slight surge
show examples
 to about 25000 in the years from the beginning to the end.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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