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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

The pie chart shows average monthly student expenditure in the UK in 2016. The bar chart shows sources of student income in the same year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Monthly student expenditures Sources of student income

The pie chart shows average monthly student expenditure in the UK in 2016. The bar chart shows sources of student income in the same year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Monthly student expenditures Sources of student income
The charts represent data collected in 2016 from
students
Use synonyms
 regarding their monthly expenses and source of income.
Overall
Linking Words
, the greatest expense was rent payment
while
Linking Words
 travel costs and other spending accounted for a small fraction of the total spending. Student loans, financial support from family and part-time employment were popular sources of income
whereas
Linking Words
 other sources
such
Linking Words
 as savings, bank overdrafts and special grants were limited to a smaller proportion of the
students
Use synonyms
.
Students
Use synonyms
 contributed almost half of their monthly income (£385) towards rent payments, the second highest expense was food at £124 and
this
Linking Words
 was followed by bill payments at £64.
Students
Use synonyms
 spent significantly less on leisure activities
such
Linking Words
 as travel and socialising accounting for a total of £116. Approximately 80% of
students
Use synonyms
 utilised funds from student loans, and roughly 70% from family and part-time positions. Slightly lower proportion of
students
Use synonyms
, between 40-50% accessed savings, bank overdrafts and other grants.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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