IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 0.5

Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Providing juveniles with pocket
money
Use synonyms
 on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 because giving children pocket
money
Use synonyms
 can help them learn the responsibility of saving
money
Use synonyms
 and spending
money
Use synonyms
 only on important things. Giving children pocket
money
Use synonyms
 can give them an idea about the importance of saving
money
Use synonyms
 and what to spend it on,
this
Linking Words
 will help them
further
Linking Words
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
in the future.
For example
Linking Words
 i

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task achievement
Make sure your points are clear and supported with examples. Explain how it helps children learn responsibility when they spend and save money.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your thoughts better. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas. Start with an introduction, then explain your points, and finish with a conclusion.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to show your points. For instance, talk about a situation where a child saved money for something important.
task achievement
Your essay starts with a clear opinion on the topic. This shows that you understand the question well.
coherence and cohesion
You mention important points about responsibility, which is a key idea in this topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pocket money
  • benefit
  • financial responsibility
  • budgeting skills
  • saving habits
  • independence
  • decision-making
  • financial management
  • value of money
  • earning
  • spending
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • consequences
  • work ethic
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