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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should be tought how to become good parents at school. Do you agree or disgree with the statement.

Many people believe that
students
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 should learn how to become responsible
parents
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, and that it is the teachers’ responsibility to teach
this
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. I completely agree with
this
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 view, and in
this
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 essay, I will explain why.
Firstly
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, children often wonder why their
parents
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 cannot spend enough time with them. Schools can help by teaching
students
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 about adult responsibilities,
such
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 as working hard to earn money for school fees, food, and a better lifestyle.
This
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 understanding helps children appreciate their
parents
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’ efforts and sacrifices.
For instance
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, one of my teachers often said, “Respect your family because they work hard to provide you with a stable life.”
This
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 lesson helped me develop more respect and empathy for my
parents
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.
Secondly
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, teaching parenting skills in school broadens
students
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’ knowledge and understanding of responsibility. It helps them see different perspectives on life and prepares them to handle future challenges. When
students
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 learn about being responsible
parents
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 early on, they are more likely to adopt positive habits and attitudes as adults.
This
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 proactive approach can lead to healthier families and society in the long term. In conclusion, schools play a vital role in
students
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’ development, especially when
parents
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 are busy with work. Teaching
students
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 how to become responsible
parents
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 is essential for their future and for building stronger families.
Therefore
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, I believe that schools should include
this
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 important topic in their curriculum.

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task achievement
Make sure to include more specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence
Consider using linking words to better connect your ideas and help the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide a counterargument to show a balanced view, which could improve your argument.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your view and outlines the essay.
task achievement
You provide a relevant personal experience that connects with your point.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your ideas well and reinforces your position.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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