IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today ‏يظهر الاحترام غير الكافي لكبار السن. ‏What do you think may be the reasons for this? What problems might this cause in society?

Nowadays,
respcting
Correct your spelling
respecting
 older
people
Use synonyms
 is
geting
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getting
 more and more important these days in a lot of cities many
people
Use synonyms
 do not show
enagh
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enough
respctie
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respect
 to them, I
thinke
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think
 one of the mean reasons
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the parents did not
tech
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teach
show examples
 their children how to act with the oldest , and that may lead to bad
felings
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feelings
 to the older
people
Use synonyms
 in the
comunity
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community
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main reason behind not
respcting
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respecting
 the
person
Use synonyms
how
Correct word choice
who
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 is older
tha
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than
 you
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
, kids of these days did not learn how they should treat them
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
, a
recente stady
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recent study
 shows that 12% of children acting with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
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 the same
way
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 they used to treat their parents,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 if the kid used to talk badly with his mom or dad and showing no
respcting
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respecting
 to anyone,
as a result
Linking Words
 of that the child will act the same
way
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 to the
person
Use synonyms
 how is the same age as his parent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, treating the
person
Use synonyms
how
Correct word choice
who
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 is older than you in a bad
way
Use synonyms
 and not talking with them in a good
way
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would cause a grave for them, which will
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the percentage of
debration
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degradation
deliberation
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, and
baesd
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based
 how they been treated they are not going to feel fine they will start dealing with the overthinking
such
Linking Words
 as, am I
respct
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respect
 worthy? should the
people
Use synonyms
 be nice to me? In
conolution
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conclusion
, not dealing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right
way
Use synonyms
 could
rais
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 grave percentage in the city which may lead to
harmself
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harm
, and
to give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
one of the
maine causeing
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main causes
of that not raising your children in a
way
Use synonyms
 that shows them how to talk or act with someone how is older than them.

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Grammar
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammar errors. For example, 'respcting' should be 'respecting' and 'enagh' should be 'enough.'
Content
Try to provide more examples to support your points. For instance, you can mention cultural values or specific behaviors that show respect for older people.
Coherence
Organize your ideas better in each paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea.
Content
You raised a relevant topic that affects many societies today, which shows good awareness of social issues.
Structure
You attempted to connect parental behavior to children's actions, which is a good approach for discussing causes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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