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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates how the percentage of American households with varieties of electronic devices,
such
Linking Words
 as washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
internet
Use synonyms
 and
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 shifted between 1995 to 1999. To start with, the percentage of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
possess
Wrong verb form
possessing
show examples
 washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 accounted for by far the highest throughout the period, commencing from 60% of
families
Use synonyms
 in 1995, and gently rising until 1999, when almost 80% of households were equipped with washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
. What
come
Change the form of the verb
came
show examples
 next was data on
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 with 40%
Use synonyms
families
Change preposition
of families
show examples
 in 1995
owned
Wrong verb form
owning
show examples
. From that onwards,
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 upward trajectory can be found in the figure, listing the third place in rankings
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
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 (70%).
By contrast
Linking Words
, at the start of
Correct article usage
the surveyed
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surveyed
Replace the word
survey
show examples
 span, there were much less significant numbers regarding to share of
families
Use synonyms
 that were rigged with
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
internet
Use synonyms
 and
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
. As seen,
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
, the most
sought - after
Correct your spelling
sought-after
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 device among all remaining technologies, were owned by
mere
Correct article usage
a mere
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 25%
Use synonyms
families
Change preposition
of families
show examples
, closely followed by 18% and 10%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
, respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 surveyed period witnessed a remarkable increment in
prevalence
Correct article usage
the prevalence
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in the family unit, rendering
Use synonyms
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the second most popular technology with
approximate
Change the word
approximately
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 75% of households possessed in 1999.
Therefore
Linking Words
, as increasing as
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
show examples
 of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with
Internet
Use synonyms
 and
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
were
Verb problem
increased
show examples
, the gap between
portion
Add an article
the portion
show examples
 of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with private
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and those
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
Internet
Use synonyms
 and
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 still became increasingly
widen
Wrong verb form
widened
show examples
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time. In conclusion,
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the number of
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 owning these five technologies
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced noticeable increases, with that of
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
varied
Wrong verb form
varying
show examples
 incredibly faster than that of any other,
while
Linking Words
 washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 were always the top priority for family

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words machine, phone, internet, dvd, player, families with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Households
  • Technology adoption
  • Growth rate
  • Decline rate
  • Milestones
  • Obsolete
  • Societal factors
  • Economic conditions
  • Advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Market saturation
  • Trend analysis
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