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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

In
this
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 modern day and age, in some countries, the trend of spending a long
time
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 at
job
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the job
a job
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 has been populated among young
people
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 .
This
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problem
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 is mainly caused by an immense of factors in daily life and has a lot of negative impacts. The author of
this
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 essay will evaluate and give an explanation for
this
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 dilemma below. There are a lot of reasons leading to
this
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problem
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 . In the past, many companies or businesses around the world did not have any state-of-the-art
machines
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 or high-quality technology and employees did not need to spend more of their
time
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apply
Wrong verb form
applying
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 working or practising using high-tech
machines
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 . Unfortunately, with the introduction of AI and automated
machines
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 , individuals had to spend more
time
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on
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apply
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analysing the structure and operation of that machine.
Also
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 , they needed to
work
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 harder to compete with the
overall
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 stats and efficiency of the machine.
For instance
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 , nowadays, AI has replaced humans in some fields of
work
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 , making
people
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 unemployed.
This
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 phenomenon leads to the reason why many
people
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 have to spend long hours at
work
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 , especially young
people
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 .
This
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 development
holds
Verb problem
has
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 a negative impact on humans and the economy . With the improvement of digital technology and artificial intelligence, many companies had to race in technology and machinery, which made their workers'
time
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 shorter than before, leading to
this
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 serious
problem
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 . In fact, a lot of young workers nowadays must spend almost their relaxed
time
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 studying and working , which can lead to health problems or stress that can affect their performance at
work
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 .
Thus
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 ,
although
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 automated
machines
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 and AI can support
people
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 in their
work
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 ,
but
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in some situations , it can have bad effects on humans . In conclusion,
people
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 have to spend more
time
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 at
work
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due to
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 the improvement of technologies and automated
machines
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 .
This
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problem
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 negatively affects
on
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apply
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human health and performance at
work
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 and can be a reason for unemployment.

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task achievement
Make sure your main ideas are fully explained and clear.
coherence
Use paragraphs more effectively to improve flow and coherence.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points and ideas.
content
The essay discusses a relevant topic clearly.
structure
The introduction outlines the problem well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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