IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

There is almost no
time
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 for
leisure
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activities
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 for individuals working overtime.
Although
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 the significant drawback of
this
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 is a lack of
time
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 for socializing with family and
friends
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,
this
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 situation has more advantages than disadvantages because it leads to early financial freedom and saves money. The downside of being busy with
work
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 and not spending
time
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 on free-
time
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activities
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 is that it does not allow a person to enjoy with loved ones.
This
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 is because
such
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 persons do not have any
time
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 left to rejuvenate or play with family or
friends
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 as they are dedicating a substantial portion of the day to their duties. In some of these cases, people lose their
friends
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, and family relations deteriorate.
For instance
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, one of my
friends
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 had to file for a divorce as her husband was totally into
work
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 and was not giving her
time
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.
However
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, spending too many hours performing duties can be advantageous as people can retire early and avoid spending on hobbies. The foremost benefit of working overtime at the cost of
leisure
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activities
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 is that workers become financially independent sooner.
This
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 is because by devoting substantial
time
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 to
work
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, they get promoted to higher designations with massive pay. Another advantage of devoting
leisure
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time
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 to
work
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 is it saves money because people who
work
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 long hours are too occupied and tired for recreational
activities
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.
For instance
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, in the USA, the savings of approximately 63% of Americans, who were working for extended hours, surged dramatically.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay believes that being a workaholic has numerous benefits
overall
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. In conclusion, there are numerous advantages,
such
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 as early retirement and fewer expenses on
leisure
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activities
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, than the drawbacks,
such
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 as no
time
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 for close ones, or using one's available
time
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 to
work
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instead
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 of using the same to enjoy oneself.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas in the body paragraphs for better clarity, and provide more examples to fully support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the way you link ideas between paragraphs and within paragraphs for better flow.
Task Achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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