IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children today are not as well-behaved as they used to be. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, concerns have been raised about the
Use synonyms
behavior
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behaviour
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 of today’s
children
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.
While
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 some people argue that
children
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 are becoming increasingly disrespectful and undisciplined, others believe that
children
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 today simply face different challenges than previous generations. In my view,
children
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’s
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behavior
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behaviour
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 is shaped by multiple factors, and both
parents
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 and
schools
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 play a key role in guiding them. It is true that some studies and observations point to a rise in
behavioral
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behavioural
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 issues among
children
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. With the growing influence of social media and digital platforms, many
children
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 are exposed to inappropriate content or negative role models at a young age.
This
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 exposure can affect their attitudes, language, and
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behavior
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behaviour
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 in everyday life.
In addition
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, modern lifestyles have become more fast-paced, leaving less time for family interaction, which may lead to weaker discipline at home.
However
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, it would be unfair to place the blame solely on
parents
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 or
schools
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. Many
schools
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 have strong
behavioral
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behavioural
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 policies and work closely with families to support student development.
Likewise
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, numerous
parents
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 are actively involved in their
children
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's lives, offering guidance and setting clear boundaries. The problem often lies in a lack of consistent communication and shared responsibility between
schools
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 and families. In my opinion, both parties must collaborate to ensure
children
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 grow into respectful and responsible individuals.
Schools
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 should provide regular feedback to
parents
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 on
students’
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student’s
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 academic and
behavioral
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behavioural
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 progress. Meanwhile,
parents
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 should monitor their
children
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’s activities, especially online, and reinforce good
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behavior
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behaviour
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 at home. A strong partnership between the two can help
children
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 distinguish right from wrong. In conclusion,
while
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 there are growing concerns about the
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behavior
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behaviour
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 of today’s
children
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, I believe that with the right support from both
schools
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 and
parents
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,
children
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 can thrive and develop strong moral values. Discipline and
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behavior
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behaviour
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 should not be seen as one side’s responsibility, but
a
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as a
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shared effort between educators and families.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion. However, consider adding a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are well organized, but try to include transition words to improve the flow between ideas. For example, use 'Firstly', 'In addition', or 'On the other hand'.
task achievement
You provide clear examples of the influences on children's behavior, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your arguments and reinforces your main point about shared responsibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • fast food
  • childhood obesity
  • poor nutrition
  • physical education
  • urbanization
  • safety concerns
  • indoor activities
  • outdoor activities
  • health awareness
  • fitness programs
  • exercise routines
  • dietary habits
  • academic priorities
What to do next:
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