IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that the increasing number of cars in cities is immense ‎pollution and waste. Others think that industries are the ones causing ‎pollution. Discuss both views, and give your opinion

The debate about the primary causes of
air
Use synonyms
pollution
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 remains ongoing.
While
Linking Words
 some claim that the majority of
gases
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Use
Use synonyms
 synonyms smokevaporeffluviumfumesmiasmastreamvolatile substance It is important to
use
Use synonyms
 synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and
use
Use synonyms
 the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. are by vehicles, others argue that manufacturers
release
Use synonyms
toxic
Add an article
a toxic
show examples
gas
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 that
foster
Change the verb form
fosters
show examples
pollution
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. I strongly believe vehicles are the main reason for
gas
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 emissions
due to
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 the widespread of
cars
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints before drawing any conclusions. On one hand, the industrial sector is mainly responsible for
gas
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 emissions. Manufacturing processes
release
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 harmful
gases
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 and chemicals, which have a significant negative impact on
air
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 quality. In fact, industrial
gases
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 are able to accumulate in the
air
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 within a second and remain for decades leading to global
pollution
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.
On the other hand
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, automobiles play a crucial role in
air
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pollution
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. There is a huge amount of
cars
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,
with
Correct word choice
and with
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 each movement the
gases
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 are spread widely upward into the atmosphere leading
universal
Change preposition
to universal
show examples
pollution
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.
For instance
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, a 2022 study conducted by environmental experts highlighted that
,
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apply
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movement
gases
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 are the main causes of
air
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pollution
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 and
cars
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 are the only way to do
this
Linking Words
. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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 because the harmful
gases
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 are accumulating faster with movement.
Additionally
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, some
cars
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release
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gases
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 even in off mode
instead
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 of industrial
gases
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 which
is required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 operations to build.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 manufacturers produce
gases
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 with heavy minerals
cause
Correct pronoun usage
that cause
show examples
 long-term
pollution
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, vehicles
release
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a high quantities
Correct the article-noun agreement
high quantities
a high quantity
show examples
 of
gas
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 causing consistent environmental issues. The government should prevent the increasing number of
cars
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 by encouraging more individuals to
use
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 public transport.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument and your opinion more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer linking words between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your main points, such as data or facts about pollution from cars versus industries.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is important to achieve a good score.
coherence cohesion
You have identified both sides of the debate, which shows a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban congestion
  • air quality
  • emission standards
  • greenhouse gases
  • carbon footprint
  • toxic emissions
  • environmental regulations
  • sustainable practices
  • clean technology
  • public health concerns
  • mitigation strategies
  • noise pollution
  • renewable energy
  • electric vehicles
  • industrial waste
What to do next:
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