IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problems will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcome? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Countries around the world will be facing significant
challenges
Use synonyms
 relating not only to the environment, but
Use synonyms
population
Change preposition
to population
show examples
 and
education
Use synonyms
 as well, here
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to write my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 about these
challenges
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 that will face
with
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apply
show examples
my
country
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.
Body paragraph 1
Education
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 is
Correct article usage
an essensial
show examples
essensial
Correct your spelling
essential
 part of the
country
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, in my
country
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education
Use synonyms
had been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 in danger
possition
Correct your spelling
position
.
Linking Words
FIrstly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
show examples
, the reason why
education
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 going to be
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
challenge
Replace the word
challenging
show examples
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 of the term of the
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
,
for instance
Linking Words
 the laws about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
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 are very bad
such
Linking Words
 as teachers are not
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to give
the
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apply
show examples
students homework, 10 hours for school, and many more.
In addition
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 in Indonesia
had been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 since 10 years past, in one family there
is
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are
show examples
 five kids even more,
this
Linking Words
conditions
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condition
show examples
 is going to be
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 challenge in the future.
Body paragraph 2
Both
challenges
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education
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 and
population
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 have to overcome as soon as possible.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the problem of
education
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
country
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 is the law, so the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to revise it and match it with the real need of
indonesian
Change the capitalization
Indonesian
show examples
 students.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 could revise the curriculum, MERDEKA curriculum
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not match
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
student needs.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
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population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 have to be
clear
Rephrase
as clear
show examples
 as so as possible,
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to
educates
Change the verb
educate
show examples
 the people
for
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 2 kids are enough,
for example
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the goverments
show examples
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
 can conduct
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 socialitation about
2
Correct word choice
whether 2
show examples
children are enough and
make advertise
Verb problem
advertisements
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media or
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
education
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 and
population
Use synonyms
 going to be the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
challenges
Use synonyms
, but if the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the new rules or even
doing
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 my suggestion
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 sure that in the future Indonesia can force those
challenges
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
Community’s feedback

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task achievement
Your essay has some main points, but they need to be clearer and better explained. Make sure each point is fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help the reader follow your thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
Remember to check your grammar and spelling. Small mistakes can confuse the reader and lower your score.
task achievement
You identified important challenges that your country will face, such as education and population. This is a good start because it shows understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sustainability
  • Ecosystem
  • Renewable resources
  • Urbanization
  • Demographics
  • Healthcare system
  • Pension crisis
  • Curriculum development
  • Digital literacy
  • E-learning platforms
  • Lifelong learning
  • Public policy
  • Biodiversity conservation
  • Green technology
  • Population density
  • Generational equity
  • Economic disparity
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